Here goes, I am about to share something very personal, something that is hard for me to admit to other people – my relationship is not perfect. There I said it! Now I need to remind myself of a little truth – that does not mean we are going to break-up any time soon. When things get tough my automatic reaction is to go into damage control – the key word being CONTROL. Alternatively, I get caught thinking about worst-case scenarios, trying to identify what is going wrong, analysing every small interaction, words said or not said. The problem I am finding is that this only exacerbates the issue. I have the idea that I can only feel happy or o.k if everything is predictable and within my control, I have a need know my place and the places of others. I really want to continue to develop myself in a positive way. I’m trying to teach myself to let go of the idea of controlling my emotions, thoughts and environment. I want to get to a place where I can accept what is out of my control and be o.k with that. I cannot control what thoughts pop into my mind or what emotions arise within me, but I can control how I react to them. Similar to not having control over other people, but having the power in how I react to their words and actions. Too much stress and anxiety stems from worrying about what other people will do, the what ifs, and worrying about possible disappointment because of expectations we might have. A wonderful book called ‘The Happiness Trap’ is helping me to see the light. It’s o.k to feel shitty, acceptance is more helpful than control, but also so much harder to master.
There are circumstances recently where I have felt jealousy, insignificance and sadness – Why? What can I do to change this? ‘The Happiness Trap’ tells me it’s o.k, accept it – do I need to understand why? I am a little skeptical about this part. I do feel that it is important to have an awareness of ourselves, but maybe making space for our negative emotions and learning to accept them does not automatically mean sacrificing self-awareness. Maybe I can allow for an understanding, but also remember to let go of the need to control. Russ Harris explains is it the act of letting go that greatly helps us to ultimately be happier in general because negative emotions are a normal part of everyday life. I will challenge myself to let my emotions be, to allow myself to feel them instead of fighting to stem their flow.
This weeks challenge: Disconnect with unhelpful thoughts and create space for negative emotions to simply exist.
Sending Love and Pixie Dust,